Helping me respond

Helping me respond to elder abuse

There is no one way to respond to elder abuse. In fact, there are many things you can do – some big, some small – to put a stop to the abuse, or to protect yourself from further harm.

When faced with the complexity of elder abuse it can be difficult to know where to start. The person causing the harm is often a close family member or friend. Very often, they rely on you and you rely on them. Trying to get them to stop or change their behaviour can feel impossible and require immense courage.

The first step is to recognise that the behaviours are abusive and harmful – and that they can and should be stopped.

You have the right to make it stop

You may worry that you don’t have the power to change your situation. Or that you’re making a fuss over nothing. You may feel like you don’t deserve help or that what is happening to you is just part of being a parent, partner or grandparent.

These feelings are very common – but they are not a reason to put up with bad or harmful behaviour.

There are a number of local and national organisations and services created to support you, including community care support providers, financial counselling providers, mental health and sexual assault teams, the police, and domestic violence specialists.

You have rights

All people have rights and these don’t change with age. You have the right to live in a safe environment. You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. You have the right to make your own decisions and choices. You have the right to access the same types of protections as any other adults.

You have the law on your side

The abuse of older people can take many forms. Some abusive acts are classified as crimes. Physical assaults, sexual assaults, fraud and theft can be reported to the police, and the perpetrator can be charged with criminal offences. The law is also there to protect your rights in relation to asset protection, proper care arrangements and enduring documents, e.g. Wills and Powers of Attorney.

You don’t have to put yourself last

The perpetrator may be someone you care about and taking action might mean they are going to be worse off. They may not be aware of the impact of their behaviour, or there might be a long history of difficulties.

You may feel protective of the person mistreating or exploiting you, particularly if they are your child. But it is important to know that adults can get help for their problems. Sometimes acting to help yourself can force the person harming you to get the help and support they need.

You have choices

In later life it can sometimes feel like you have more responsibilities and fewer options or choices. Sometimes people can treat you as if you are a child or that you can’t look after yourself. This can be from a place of love and protection but it can also be overbearing and opportunistic.

You are the expert in you. You have the right to take risks, which may include staying in an abusive situation or living where you are when others believe you should go into a nursing home for your own safety. It’s important to remember that these types of decisions can be very challenging, particularly for those supporting older people, and they can behave badly. But that is no excuse for you to accept harm or do things you don’t wish to just to make them feel better.

What you can do now

Speak to someone you know

Sharing your experience and talking about what you are going through is often the first step to seeking help. You might be surprised to learn friends or family have had similar experiences and they might have useful advice or things to consider.

Speaking with someone you trust can also be a huge emotional relief and a way of releasing tension. People who have been harmed or are trying to figure out how to escape harm can often experience anxiety, depression or repetitive and circular thoughts. Talking to someone can help order these thoughts and let go of the ones that aren’t helpful.  

Speak with someone you trust, like a friend or neighbour. It can be good to have someone who knows what you’re going through and who can check in on how you’re feeling.

Speak to an elder abuse organisation

If you want to find out a bit more about your options you should speak to an elder abuse organisation. They will be able to listen to your situation and let you know about some of the different things you can do to stop the abuse.

These organisations offer advice for free and they will not force you to do anything (such as make a report to police or file a complaint). They will assist you in navigating the different systems and options that are available to help.

Each state and territory has elder abuse support organisations. Find a Service Provider in your area or call 1800 ELDERhelp (1800 353 374) to be put through to your local service.

Seek legal or financial help

Some forms of abuse might have legal remedies. For example, you might be able to choose or change a substitute decision-maker, get advice on a property dispute, or make changes with your banking.

You won’t know if you don’t ask.

Discover the support services you can access for legal and financial advice.

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Explore mediation and advocacy Services

Families are complicated. It is not unusual for a change in family roles or care needs to create tension and conflict. Throw in different views about finances, property and inheritances and it can feel impossible to resolve.

Sometimes it can be helpful to have an independent person to assist with having difficult conversations and ensuring everyone is heard.

There are many services designed to help people resolve disputes through mediation or to provide individual advocacy support.

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Barriers to seeking help

You may find it difficult to respond to the abuse even when you really want it to stop. This is not unusual and there are many people who experience elder abuse who don’t seek help. The National Elder Abuse Prevalence Study found that six out of ten people who experience abuse don’t seek help, despite many viewing the abuse as serious.

The most common action that older people reported taking, was to talk directly to the perpetrator. While this can be effective it may not work, and it maintains secrecy about the abuse.

There is nothing to be ashamed of about experiencing elder abuse or taking action to put a stop to it. When you reach out to friends and support services you will likely hear of other people who have experienced something similar to what you’re going through.